Risk of Self-Help

The new year brings a steady flow of overly earnest advice for becoming a better me, professionally and personnaly. Here's some advice to counteract that annoying trend.

  1. Put first things first. And the first thing should be hydrotherapy. Studies show that people who start their day with an invigorating hot tub, or at least a pulsating shower massage, have better circulation and are more likable than people who do not start their day appropriately.

  2. Manage your time well enough that you can snowboard during work hours. Studies show that staring at the horizon, a tree, a stream, a fall line relieves facial twitches caused by staring at the screen. In other words, a win-win. Downhill skiing, swimming, hiking, climbing a tree, or spelunking are all acceptable substitutes for snowboarding.

  3. Synergize! You've just had an invigorating hot tub and some rigorous outdoor activity, now reward yourself with a hearty lunch. Wash it down with a beer, pay the tab, walk outside, and scream at the top of your lungs, What's goin' on?

  4. Begin with the end in mind. And nothing keeps us focused on the end like binge watching television episodes. Studies show that when we already know story outcomes, we leap-frog uncertainty, and we hold an important advantage in casual conversation, especially over people who are dogmatic about the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

  5. Be proactively mindful of the benefits of spontaneous skipping. Studies show that the skip -- a natural, rhythmic long hop followed by short hop, on alternating legs -- elicits an immediate positive change in mental attitude, and either consternation or amusement in bystanders.

  6. Sharpen the saw with an afternoon power nap. Being highly effective, meeting goals, and exuding synergy requires adequate rest. Top performers make a habit of seizing power naps where they can -- the front seat of a car, a soft chair in a coffeeshop, a shady bench under a tree, a conference room at work, or a girlfriend's or boyfriend's apartment.

  7. Make the main thing the main thing. Although it may seem so today, your job is not the truly critical thing. The company you work for today may not be recognizable in ten years, if it still exists. If you make your job the main thing, you will later regret not making something more lasting and personally rewarding the main thing.