Risk of Flip Phone

I recently lost my sturdy, inexpensive Kyocera DuraXV flip phone. Subsequently, I bowed to pressure to replace it with a smartphone. Now I’ve rejoined the world of narcissistic zombies glued to their handheld screens, walking into street signs, oblivious to the physical world around them.

I know that Smartphones are productivity devices. That’s why I'm using one again. Still I really miss my flip. I miss the way it generated sarcasm, nostalgia, amazement, eye-rolling -- sometimes all four combined -- when I set it on a conference room table, or opened it at a bar.

“Hey the Smithsonian called and wants you to return that thing.”

“When are you going to be allowed to use a grown up phone?”

“Does it actually work?”

Yes it works quite well, for making phone calls and for succinct texting. Recall that before the iPhone appeared, ten years ago, those were the reasons for having a cell phone. Let’s be real: The highly evolved smartphone is also a procrastination device, keeping us from some important thing we know we should be doing. Fussing over your fantasy football lineup, laughing at hilarious YouTube videos, looking up the cast of The Love Boat -- not important things.

What I will miss about my flip:

• Held a charge for days, not hours.
• Not held hostage by daily security patches.
• Low cost of replacement. Flip phone insurance? Not necessary.
• Tactile: had real buttons that fingers could press and feel.
• Durable: folded in so the screen and keypad were protected.
• Not susceptible to malware, never enslaved in a botnet.
• If hacked, could only surrender telephone contacts, the call log, a limited backlog of texts. Not used to access social media, banking apps, or email accounts that could be hacked.
• Screen was too small to make random Internet browsing a desirable activity.
• Made a satisfying sound when I ended a call and flipped shut. “Bye!” Snap! Damn, I miss that.
• Didn't put me at risk of “tech neck,” also known as cervicular radiculopathy (spine-health.org), a smartphone-enabled condition damaging to the spine.
  It's not outrageous to say that the flip phone represents the apex of mobile phone technology. Because mobile device features that followed were often frivolous, pre-occupying, unnecessary. It’s OK if, deep down, you want to downgrade to a hopelessly archaic flip phone, knowing you’ll still be productive, but less distracted (Financial Times), able to focus on something long enough to do it well.