I work in a self-obsessed industry -- Information Security -- that tends to take itself a little too seriously.
Yes, we protect the enterprise, defend the network, secure the code and the data, achieve compliance obligations, identify threats and address risk, and train employees to compute safely.
No, we don't develop and release the code, manufacture the hardware, close the deals, settle the lawsuits, or pay the workforce.
We are important, but we aren't the main thing that we think we are.
With that in mind, last week I set off on a walkabout of the RSA floor at Moscone Center in SF, using my friend Rick's expo pass. My goal was to take one hour to meander with a purpose, wall off the noise and the come-ons, the blare and the human commotion, and interpret the signage and the messaging as I encountered it, like a stranger in a strange land.
Following are the takeaways from my walkabout. Note to security firms mentioned below: In the spirit of not taking ourselves too seriously, thanks for being good sports. All of your products are good.
Comcast Business: Beyond fast. So, like, faster?
Cisco Systems: Security on top of everything. Also known as the Cool Whip approach to security.
Cisco Systems again: Security above everything. Totally agree, but investors, the BoD, and the executive management team probably don't see it that way.
Never get tired of saying it: Thycotic.
Infoblox's Secureville: Giving you the comfort of yesterday in today's complex world. Oh man, you guys are gonna make me cry.
Proofpoint: Don't let cloud threats rain on your parade. Also don't let cloud threats rain retro cloud metaphors on your parade.
SAS: The power to know. After three days of RSA, I'd kind of appreciate the power to unknow.
Symantec: Securing the cloud generation. If the messaging here is referring to Millennials, then yes it is about time they played by the rules.
Webroot: Smarter Endpoints. Smarter Users. Smarter Networks. Smarter You. Smarter Cybersecurity. So, let me get this straight, you're saying you're smarter?
Random snippet overheard on the floor: The great thing is you'll receive continuous alert notifications as they happen. Wait. Was that a promise or a threat?
Homeland Security. Defend today, Secure tomorrow. And it's corollary: Offend today, Demure tomorrow.
SolarWinds: Security just got real. Damn... mic drop, Yo!
Keyfactor: Find your freedom to secure every digital identity. Just finding your freedom would be awesome, right? But then you might question the need to secure every digital identity.
NSFocus: security made smart and simple. Because smart & final was already taken?
Oracle: Tomorrow's security, today. Runner up was: Today's security, yesterday. Did not make the cut: Yesterday's security, tomorrow.
Endgame: Military grade endpoint protection. Which military? It matters.
Strongkey: Make breaches irrelevant. But... when breaches become irrelevant, will we need encryption keys?
enSilo: The race against time is over. Good, because frankly time has been kicking our collective ass.
Mellanox: Turn Zero Trust to Hero Trust. Whomever came up with this at 2 a.m. earned an exuberant round of high fives.
CoFence: Real phish are the real problem. What? You brought a slogan that actually makes sense to the RSA floor?
eSentire: See everything. Miss nothing. So there is a God mode.
Cyber GRX: If You're Not In. You're out. That's alright. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Untangle: Network security everywhere. Except when the CFO is working remotely and doesn't want to use the VPN.
Trustwave: Unlock a new level of security maturity. In perpetuity?
Check Point Software: Total Security. One Simple Plan. And free beer tomorrow.